Helen FieldsScience Writer

Since a lot of what I do for a living is type while talking on the phone, I thought it would be smart to sort out my headset issues. (See vivid visual representation of headset issues here.)

I do have a headset – it’s the kind with a little plug that goes into the side of a cordless phone. But it doesn’t really work. I have to strain to hear, especially with quieter people. Which is a problem when I’m trying to type what they’re saying, understand what they’re saying, laugh at their jokes, and think of my next question, all at the same time.

First I looked into getting one of those headsets that goes on an old-school corded phone, between the thing you hold in your hand and the base of the phone. I had these at my last two jobs and they worked great. But when I looked into those headsets, I discovered why it was always such a huge production to get the office people to order one. At the low end, they’re about $150, and they go up (way up) from there.

It was time to consider alternatives. My dad has the same basic setup as me – a cheap headset that plugs into the side of a cordless phone – but he claims that his actually works. So I decided to try the scientific method. I spent a day at my parents’ house, trying out various alternatives while I reported a story about piranhas. First, I did an interview with my dad’s headset and cordless phone. Yep – it worked. I could hear.

Next, I talked to someone while using my dad’s cordless phone and *my* headset. Whaddya know – that worked, too. So clearly the problem was not with the headset, it was my cheapo cordless phone, right? So I bought a better phone, for about $40. I brought it home. I plugged in my headset (already proven to work). I called my dad to test it while typing. And it still wasn’t loud enough.

It turns out I’d left out one factor: When I’m at my parents’ house, I type on my laptop keyboard. When I’m at home, I type on my external keyboard, which goes CLACKETY CLACKETY CLACKETY. The problem wasn’t my headset – it was that my keyboard is too dang loud. So now I do phone interviews with the headset on my left ear and an earplug in my right. This also blocks out the sounds of the AC and the occasional freight train. I did other tests and discovered that my cheapo cordless phone was also part of the problem, so I’m using the new phone, too.

And everybody is happy! Except my massage therapist. Ha ha, kidding – I can’t afford massages. I was just going to mess up my shoulder and enjoy it, dang it. While walking uphill both ways. In the snow.